I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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