She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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