So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
