have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
