getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
