hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
