Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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