OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
