Buhtt sex?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
