so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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