i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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