The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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