Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
