we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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