I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
