it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
