I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
