Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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