I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
