her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
