Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
