I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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