So drunk its hurt
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
