Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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