One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
