I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
