Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this just has baby written all over it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
