just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
