don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
