Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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