Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
