You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
