the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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