Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
