Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
