god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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