Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
