i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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