the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
