I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
