The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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