Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
