cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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