Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
