If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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