hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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