drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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