We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's get the cat blown out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
