you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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