Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
