My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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