Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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