Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
