is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
