Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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