my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
