Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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