no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
