please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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