Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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