This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
